Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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