just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
