Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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