what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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