North Korea, Best Korea!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
