I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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