Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
