Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
