Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
