I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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