Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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