imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
