Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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