he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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