I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
