I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
