Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
