Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
