He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
