Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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