I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
MIDGETS
????
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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