The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
