Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize