sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize