Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
