did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He did a backflip because drugs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
