Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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