Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
