discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
