I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
