I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
