Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
