tell your sister to shave her snatch
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
