That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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