Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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