btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
