I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
