Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
