remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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