Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
