i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize