I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize