Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize