Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I need to stop coming to work sober
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
