maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
