I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
