Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
