I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
