hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
