Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
