the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
