we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
