Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize