you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize