Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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