my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
