i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
