This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
