I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
