Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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