No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
