I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
