Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
