Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
