she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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