Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
