I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize