If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
